Phone online dating
I’ve encountered very few men who have a problem with this.
Just like meeting rather than being picked up on the first date, it’s really no big deal.
Without meaning to labour this point, if a potential partner ends the connection after a phone call, don’t take it personally.
This is particularly hard to do if you thought the call went well, but the other person – who was embarrassed to say ‘no’ to you in person – follows up swiftly with a dumping email.
IMO, after a few emails exchanged and one phone call, I know if the person is someone I’d like to meet.
Two phone calls is too much unless I’m still uncertain about the man, as the in-person chemistry is so important, and can’t be gauged from phone calls and emails.
If you think something is reasonable, but nobody else on the planet agrees with you, you’re going to be more effective by finding a compromise point closer to the majority position. Men who don’t pick up the full check on Date 1 are not “wrong”, but they are ineffective. In the Venn Diagram of Online Dating (copyright, Evan Marc Katz), men’s circle is Speed. He wants to meet you right NOW and see you naked ASAP. You know as well as I do that women don’t want to be bullied into going on blind dates: “Dear Dan, thank you for your initial inquiry. Besides, your profile doesn’t say very much about you, so maybe if you tell me more about yourself, if we click, then, maybe in a few weeks, I’ll give you my phone number and we can go from there.” This is the entire reason that I came up with a strategy that works for both men AND women.
Some people also find it a useful aide-memoir, after each conversation, to rate their interest in the other person on a 10-point scale. Helpful hint: if the phone call doesn’t go well, then however good the emails have been, it’s unlikely there’s a future in your relationship.Am I being unfair with this expectation of not giving my phone number out and preferring to spend weeks on online chatter? If you’ve ever wondered why you struggle with men, it’s quite likely because you’ve never given much value to HIS circle in the Venn Diagram.I actually do like this gentleman, which is unusual for me. I figure this is as good a time as any to float a pretty non-controversial theory of how to be successful in dating. Okay, so you know what a Venn Diagram looks like, right? I always ask for the man’s phone number, and offer to call him.Hey Evan, I have recently started chatting with someone on a dating site and he keeps asking me for my phone number. The place where your circles overlap is your relationship. The problem in dating is when you think your circle is the “right” one – even when it doesn’t overlap with anyone else’s circle. Women who ask men if they will commit on Date 1 are not “wrong”, but they are ineffective. You want to “chat with him for a good period of time,” and after “a few weeks of online chatter”, you’ll give him your phone number. However, I’m very uncomfortable giving you my phone number. It’s called the 2/2/2 Rule (two emails on the dating site, two emails off site, two phone calls and then a date).He says he doesn’t use the internet much on weekdays, but I’m reluctant to give anyone my phone number until I have chatted with them for a period of time. This is where I came up with the idea (espoused in Why He Disappeared) of “effective vs. Then, presuming a few phone calls go well, you want to meet him for a safe coffee date at on a Tuesday, so you can have a quick exit strategy if you don’t click. I spend about a half-hour explaining it in my Finding the One Online audio program, which helps women flirt and connect with quality men online.