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PALM BEACH, FL—Saying that the noisy group was really getting on his nerves, Mar-a-Lago country club member Walter Forsyth reportedly complained to the management Thursday about the obnoxious U. NEW YORK—Saying it was hard not to unfavorably compare himself to his peers, part-time catering assistant Ian Presser, 26, told reporters Thursday that he feels self-conscious after always seeing his friends fail slightly less than him.

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ASHEVILLE, NC—Saying it refused to be pigeonholed by widespread misconceptions about its condition, the mental illness of area man Greg Luger told reporters Tuesday that it was determined not to let the societal stigma associated with the 31-year-old define it.

NASSAU, BAHAMAS—Coming a full five days into the eight-day voyage, Russell family sources reported Monday that Uncle Neil had posted a terse, emotionless Facebook post from his cruise ship vacation, thus far the only dispatch from the week-long tropical getaway.

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CHICAGO—Growing increasingly ashamed as he imagined how many people must have already noticed, local man Matt Quinlan was reportedly humiliated Friday upon discovering ornate embroidery on his jeans’ back pocket.

"These girls aren't looking for just any guys," Hegl said.

CHIPPEWA FALLS, WI—Saying that nothing rankled him more than hearing that kind of outrageous misrepresentation, Chippewa Falls, WI, resident Gary Miller told reporters Thursday that he absolutely hates when people from Eagle Point claim to be from Chippewa Falls.

DEMING, IN—Glancing in the mirror while clipping a measuring tape to his belt, area dad Roger Hobak reportedly got all gussied up Wednesday before making the 14-mile trip to his local Lowe’s Home Improvement store.

MINNEAPOLIS—Annoyed that the fruit was even now just sitting there next to his computer monitor, sources at data analytics firm Progressive Solutions told reporters Wednesday that it was unclear what coworker Kevin Tanner, who has had a banana on his desk all day, was waiting for.

When a guy has a working credit card and knows how to operate a telephone." Running her hands over her body, she added, "When guys like that enter their credit-card number on a touch-tone phone, it just drives me wild!

" Though no specific timetable was given regarding how long the hot sexy girls would wait, Hegl said they very much want to talk to guys like you as soon as possible.

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